Kiwis reach for the wrong sort of Summit

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Martin Moodie
Martin Moodie is the Founder & Chairman of The Moodie Report.

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It’s the unspoken fear that every Kiwi holds deep within. Like the mystery room at the top of the stairway that you must not enter or the guilty family secret that has been unspoken about for years.

Yes I’m talking about being usurped by Australia, which delights in bumping aside what it perceives to be its country cousin at the most inopportune moments – notably the Rugby World Cup semi-finals.

No Kiwi will admit it but that underlying fear of another trans-Tasman humiliation is ingrained on the national pysche in the run-up to next month’s World Cup in France – where the All Blacks hope to end a 20-year drought in winning rugby’s ultimate prize.

For most of us, losing to South Africa, Ireland, France, hell even the English, would be awful, but (after a suitable period in mourning) just about acceptable. But the Aussies? We’d all sooner be stewed in boiling Kangaroo stew and fed to the crocodiles in the Northern Territories.

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But the signs onboard Air New Zealand, self-styled ‘fanatical supporter’ of the All Blacks, are not good. Alongside a magnificently diverse and top-notch wine-list (all Kiwi), the airline’s bottled water – given to all passengers travelling to the World Cup – is called Summit. So far so good.

But read the (not so) small print. It is described as “clean, pure, unadulterated spring water from natural sources – Australian of course!”

See? It’s started already. Those Aussies always peak in World Cup year and now they’re at it again with this Trojan Horse-like Summit assault. Among the listed ingredients on the bottle we’re surprised they didn’t include ‘bare-faced cheek’.

Can you imagine Aussie national carrier Qantas listing a Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc as its main pouring wine? There’s more chance of Ned Kelly being retrospectively named Pope.

Air New Zealand, we love your service, your wines and your loyalty to the boys in black. But get that water out of there. Otherwise I’m off to check out the room at the top of the stairs…

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  • DJ I do not usually reply to comments on my BLOGs as I like the reader to have the final say.

    However, in the spirit of All Blacks rugby, if I don’t like what the reader says I reserve the right to forcibly object.

    To allege that Mikaera Tewhata’s blow to poor Brian’s nose is part of a Kiwi plot to eradicate the Irish captain is nonsense.

    In fact the incident only goes to show how soft All Blacks rugby has become. In the old days can you imagine someone like Alex Wyllie or ‘Pinetree’ Meads bopping a stripling such as O’Driscoll and only managing to bruise his sinus? No wonder Tewhata – who none of us has ever heard of in Kiwiland – resides in France where they specialise in handbags at dawn.

    For the record, all fair-minded Kiwi sportsmen – and that’s at least 14% of us – think that Brian O’Driscoll is a rugby genius, that the Umaga saga was indeed a blight on our country as well as Brian’s shoulder, and that the Irish skipper deserves to score at least three tries against us in the quarter-finals as we run out victors by 37 points to 15.

  • Dear Editor, the Australians aren’t the only ones who have started to prepare for the World Cup by attempting to poison you and your fellow countrymen. I note that New Zealand has also started “clearing the way” of potential obstacles to their ultimate goal – in their own inimitable style. We witnessed the dry-run of the “kill him now, we won’t have to play him later” technique during the first minute of the last Lions tour when the finest player on the planet was despatched to the hospital after 1 minute. Now as the World Cup is around the corner, and the prospects of playing Ireland are real, we admire the thorough levels of preparation utilised by the World’s No. 1 team by calling in their compatriot – Mikaera Tewhata of Bayonne – to smooth the way again. If, as they say, preparation is everything – then the All Blacks are sure to triumph. The only problem is that I don’t think he hit BOD hard enough – as it looks like he’ll be back to dispose of the boys in black in the quarters. Yours in admiration. DJ