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Golf’s fifth major – the Moodie International Superstars Honorary Invitation Trophy (the MIS-HIT) – played yesterday at the Cannes Mandelieu golf course, drew uncanny parallels with the Ryder Cup as tension mounted over the final holes.
There was a German called Martin holing clutch putts on the back 9; a series of wild-eyed stares from an Ian Poulter lookalike; and a Rory McIlroy one-man show at the front of the field by an irresistable Irishman.
There was even a ‘Medinah meltdown’ as American hot favourite and single handicapper Art Miller’s game crumbled under the relentless pressure of two of golf’s journeymen, Anglo-Dutchman Jonathan ‘Chaps’ Holland and myself, inspired by the team ethic that more than matched the individualistic approach of the mighty Miller and his hapless Irish-American sidekick David Spillane (rhymes with Killarney), the latter coming up just nine inches short on a tricky two-foot, no break putt on the 16th that would have taken the match to an extra hole. As chokes go this was mass strangulation.
But the 2013 MIS-HIT had even more. A man flew in from Mars; Marshall law was enforced on the course; a King stooped to conquer (but didn’t) and Riches spilled over as Mark and Britt battled vailantly to retain their title won in 2011.
The traditional honorary first drive was played by DFS Group’s Andrew Ford (appearing as the ‘Andrews sisters’ with Premier Portfolio’s Andrew Webster in a cunning ruse to play off the ladies’ tees) replete with that essential golfing accessory, a Partagas No 4 Cuban cigar. But the smoke that the fine Habanos gave off was nothing compared with the purity of puff that emerged as his driver made sweet contact with a ball of the exploding variety (pictured below). Sources later confirmed that this was Andrew’s longest drive of the day.
[Andrew Ford caught smoking on the first tee]
Next up was ‘Chaps’ Holland, punished for wearing the mighty black of New Zealand instead of the losing lily-white of England during last year’s Rugby World Cup by having to tee off with a rugby-ball shaped golf ball on the first tee. To the astonishment of everyone, the dapper, Cary Grant lookalike smote the ball straight and true, 250 metres down the fairway. Putting was to prove trickier, however…
In a desperately close MIS-HIT, Peter Marshall of Marshall Arts (expect the sponsored video highlights soon) and Martyn Westbury of Mars (the company not the planet) won the sought-after trophy with a combined 66 stableford points, one ahead of Gunnar Heinemann and another Martin (Turek not Kaymer) of Frankfurt Airport.
[The big winners of the day line up for a photo call with hosts Martin Moodie (second from left) and Jaclyn Wampler (right). Dermot Divot, left, dons the coveted Blue Jacket; while Martyn Westbury and Peter Marshall get their hands on the legendary MIS-HIT trophy.]
The coveted Blue Jacket for best singles performance went to none other than The Moodie Report’s very own Dermot Davitt (below with last year’s winner, Takako Asaki), who stormed to victory with a fine 42 stableford points – six clear of his nearest rival.
This clear evidence that The Moodie Report’s Galway Bureau is not working hard enough (in the past his appalling golf game led to him being known as Dermot Divot), saw his Moodie’s credit rating downgraded to a DD and a life-time ban from the tournament.
Once again, our ‘Cannes-opener’ lifted the lid on everything that’s good about this industry. There was even time to think of a good cause, as a series of side-bets during the day raised nearly 1,400 Euros for The Moodie Report Foundation, a charity dedicated to funding cancer research.
Now the pre-show entertainment is over, it’s time for TFWA World Exhibition 2012 to begin…
[Gunnar Heinemann wins the hotly contested ‘Fashionista’ award for what the judges described as ‘Germanic chic, teutonic tailoring, Mediterrean Moodie Blues and all-round Heinemann high-fashion]
[The iconic ‘flightless bird’ award went to David King, whose ball never even threatened to take flight during a legendary 9-over par 13 on a single hole that saw most of the field asked to play through]
[Woody notes: Estée Lauder advertising gets just about everywhere these days]
[European Ryder Cup star Ian Poulter (second from left with trademark bulging eyes stare) made a surprise attendance, dropping in to support the incredible back-nine comeback from Anglo-Dutch star Jonathan Holland and Irish-Kiwi Martin Moodie against Hawaiian Art Miller and Irish-American David Spillane.]
[Scorpio’s Stuart McGuire accepts the shortest drive award from Martyn Westbury for his abbreviated 7.34 metre effort on hole one]
[Takako Asaki of Blanc de Blancs in Japan wins the Best Lady award. Her golf was also excellent.]
[Never was played so many for so few: Abu Dhabi Airports Company’s resident Englishman Dan Cappellini showed the true spirit of Churchill in fighting his golf game on the fields, landing grounds and sands of France, scoring a magnificently awful 11 points over 18 holes and taking out the day’s worst-performer award]
AND LATER…
[Dermot Divot, pumped up by his status as Ireland’s latest golfing major winner, compares his dazzling designer Blue Jacket with the finest in French fashion.]
[Farewell to Arms: While Dermot Divot struggles to find the sleeves for the ill-sized MIS-HIT jacket (that’s his right hand on his left shoulder), he shows incredible Houdini-like dexterity and magnificent Irish persistence to get his other hand on a pint]